Things I Taught My Sons - Get the Girl

It was a hellish week at the hospital and I am exhausted. That said, the muse struck during my commute home, so lets get to it.

How to get the girl of your dreams

My boys would be the first to tell you that this is a conversation I have had with them since they were old enough to be curious about these wonderous, curious, beautiful, creatures known as women. It can be summed up as such:

If she was a dude, would you hang out with him? Ok, that's all I have to say for now....I jest.

Let me explain

Women are amazing. I know that I am not alone in my admiration of the fairer sex. Women look good, they smell good, they feel good, we desire them before we truly understand anything about them. This clouds many a young man's judgement, in a variety of ways. On one hand you have some men who are just too intimidated to talk to them, and at the other extreme you have men who view them as objects of sexual gratification and not much else. As usual the truth is rarely found at the extremes, and this is no exception. Furthermore falling into either of these mental models is harmful to all parties involved. It isn't an exaggeration to say that we are in the midst of a courtship crisis. There are far too many young people who are unable or unwilling to find suitable partners. So lets attempt to lay out some basic criteria for the lad who wants to find a good partner while avoiding some pitfalls along the way.

A relationship should be relatively conflict free

Some of us grew up in high conflict households (I fall into this camp), and others low conflict households with a lot of unspoken grudges. I think it is safe to say that a relatively small minority of people grew up in a home where their parents modeled healthy behavior in their relationship. These experiences color how we perceive our own interactions with the opposite sex.

The fact of the matter is that a healthy relationship is relatively conflict free. Obviously there will be disagreements and hurt feelings (apologize and forgive - being right in what amounts to a trivial argument is not worth the health of your relationship. Also when you are hurt, admit it, don't silently build resentment), but the vast majority of the time you and your woman should truly enjoy each others company. How do we accomplish this utopia? This unattainable nirvana that we are constantly reassured does not exist? Simple, would you hang out with her if she was a dude?

The important stuff

You and your prospective woman should agree on the major issues:

• kids

• money

• sex

• loyalty/honesty/boundaries (this all overlaps)

If you want six kids, and your woman doesn't this is a problem. If you have a high risk tolerance and like to trade highly speculative digital assets, and she is a spendthrift....this is a problem. If you value honesty and you keep catching her lying about things that in your opinion do not warrant lies......THIS IS A PROBLEM.

What happens is that because women look, feel, smell amazing, etc. it is tempting for a young man to overlook these sorts of things, write them off as "No big deal" or worst of all decide that he will fix this through the sheer power of his love. Don't do this lads. This is a recipe for more pain and heartache than I wish on anyone. This is further exacerbated by hormones, and the fact that in the beginning of every relationship both parties are on their best behavior. The beginning of a passionate relationship can be quite the performance as both parties try their best to please one another. It is imperative that you find yourself...wait for it.... someone who is

equally yoked.

The secondary considerations

These are things that are also important, but not necessarily deal breakers. That said, once the honeymoon is over these sort of differences can make the relationship harder than it needs to be. I don't have the time to go over every possibility, so lets just use an example.

If your idea of a good time on a Friday night is to eat a meal at home that you and your partner made, a good flick, and then a couple rounds of sex...awesome. If her idea of a good time on Friday is going dancing, then bar hopping, and finishing the night off with some greasy diner food. This isn't going to be much fun for either of you. Sure, you both will compromise at first, but at some point she is just not going to want to watch "Revenge of the Nerds II" while eating some boring, home cooked, food. She is going to make plans with her girlfriends, and you are going to spend the night feeling like dogshit. Savvy? Why not avoid this in the first place by finding someone who you are actually compatible with. Why suffer one party having anxiety as the weekend approaches? This is unnecessary. There are about four-billion women on this planet, I promise that there are a considerable number of them who would love nothing more than to binge watch the whole "Nerds" catalogue with you.

Lesser concerns - Things like politics, hobbies, etc

On the political spectrum I fall somewhere in between Libertarian and Anarchist. My bride on the other hand is definitely left of center. This isn't a problem for us, because politics is not a part of our identities. I am not donning a Guy Fawkes mask and a cape trying to take down the man, and she isn't some batshit crazy woke chick with an amazing rack. It is probably good advice to avoid super political people in the first place, and if you fall into this category its time to reevaluate your priorities.

Sex

I saved this for last because it is important, if you recall it was listed as such in the beginning of this article. You and your woman have to possess similar sex drives. If she wants sex more than you do now guess what? She will want sex more than you will 5 years and 2 kids from now. If you like to have sex daily, and she does not; Imagine how much less she is going to want to have sex with you after you have settled into domesticity. Sex is important physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Depriving your spouse of sex is not only one of the worst things you can do to another human, but it is a major source of contention in most bad relationships. Even if the couple manages to stay together, one of them lives a life of sexual frustration. This is completely unnecessary.

Women need sex just like we need sex, and lets just say there is a reason why the term hysteria exist. We will get more into this later, but suffice to say: give your woman orgasms, as many as she can handle, and sometimes just a few more. I can't tell you how many women I have met who hate sex because they have selfish partners. Can you imagine going through all of the motions only to have her quit before you climax? That would suck right? Do you have any idea of the number of women that live this as their reality? This just breeds more unhappiness in a world that is already awash with negativity. Take care of your woman lads. Yes, I know that women aren't perfect either, but I am talking to you.

That's all for now. This is a rich topic that we will certainly visit again, and I appreciate you reading. Until next time, Jack

*On a side note, one of my most favorite things in the world is when a reader reaches out to me and tells me that something I wrote helped or resonated with them. Gentlemen, this is literally why I am doing this. Not for the feeling, which is admittedly amazing, but because I am compelled to do it. I feel like this is a test of sorts, and I am trying to be obedient. So when I hear from you guys, it gives me the feeling that I am on the right track. So thanks, sincerely.

The NFT featured in this piece is #61 from the Mars Woman Collection