Dealing with a Breakup

This is part 4 of the "Red Pill, Blue Pill, Black Pill, White Pill, series.

This piece isn't so much going to focus on how to tell if your partner is getting ready to hit the bricks, or cover warning signs. This is more focused on what the recently broken up with man can do to survive the carnage.

Hit like a ton of bricks

Often the guy doesn't see it coming, we aren't good at seeing the subtle cues, and even when we do sometimes we just don't want to believe them. One day your girl is chilling with you, and the next she literally doesn't want to speak to you anymore. How do you cope? The fact is that heartbreak is one of the worst things you can experience in this life. I wish I could tell you an easy answer, but one doesn't exist. The fact is that you are just going to have to feel it, and recover. Sadly some people never recover. Both of my uncles died young, and their divorces played a big part in that.

What not to do

The first thing you don't do is call your newly minted ex. I know it seems like this will help some, but it will not. It will end with you in tears and it isn't great for her either. I know, we all want closure, but odds are you wont get it. As we already covered, odds are you have been ignoring warning signs for quite some time. She isn't going to have a change of heart, and odds are that unless she is a sociopath she feels really bad about hurting you.

Women are different than men, and one of the ways that they are different is this: When a woman is done, she is done. Once she stops loving you, you aren't going to talk your way back into her heart. Granted, men can get in this emotional state of indifference as well, but in my estimation its more rare and it takes longer. In my own life every breakup that a woman initiated was like this, in only one case was I in a relationship where I truly hit a point where the other person didn't matter to me anymore. The women who I have broken up with, save one, I didn't have a feeling of indifference towards. Typically I realized the relationship wasn't right and it was time to pull off the bandage, and this too can be a difficult type of breakup. When I was done though, that one time, I am still done to this day. Complete indifference. In my experience this is much more common from the fairer sex.

Odds are she has emotionally moved on and has a new suitor. Sucks to hear, but its the truth. If she hasn't she almost certainly has no shortage of guys willing to help her get over you. Do you really want to intellectually know this during one of the hardest periods of your life? No, you do not. So let me reiterate, don't call your ex.

But I just want to make sure she is ok

She is fine. You are FUBAR. You cant even help yourself in this moment, this is just more cope. Odds are your ex has an amazing circle of emotional support, and has been discussing the impending breakup for weeks now.

Don't Stalk your Ex

Gents, the best case scenario here is that she thinks you're a stalker. The consequences of this only get worse. You don't want to see her with her new guy do you? Why risk a confrontation, (this can go sideways in a hurry)? She is living her life, now you have to accept that you need to focus on living yours.

Actionable Advice

You remember those friends you stopped hanging around when you had a girlfriend? They are still there, swallow some pride and make sure you spend some time with them. Distraction is important in this stage, the more time you spend alone the more you focus on the pain. Your boys won't cry with you, but they will hang out with you. Utilize this

Get in the gym. This is critical for so many reasons. First, you have probably been happy and neglecting your physical training. You are going to want to be physically attractive to women again, and now this is the perfect time to start. The gym is also a great place to channel negative emotions into positive outcomes. Use that pain to push yourself past your limits (safely of course. Don't be a dumbass). Exercise also brings endorphins into the picture, you are a walking ball of cortisol right now....you need some endorphins. The gym will also help you sleep at night, which can be a struggle at first.

Avoid trying to immediately get another girl to go out with you. Women can smell desperation from a mile away. The last thing you need right now is more rejection, besides you are still hurt. In reality you aren't in the proper headspace to deal with a new person, and lets be honest...its disrespectful to the new person. I know that sex with a new woman does seem to help, but honestly it doesn't fix anything. Just focus on yourself for right now.

Once the intensity of the pain lessens, this is a good time to analyze your blame in this mess. What signs did you miss? What areas of your life do you need to improve on? There are broken parts of you that cause dysfunctional behavior, now is the time to work on them. Become a better man, this should always be your mission.

The most important takeaway

It is for the best. Relationships are tricky things that can ruin lives. If your relationship doesn't work out, let it alone, don't go back. Understand that if you do it won't be the same, there is too much pain now. There are better people more suited to you out there, don't make the same mistake twice. Once you are back on your feet there is even the chance that she will start calling you, let that sleeping dog lie anon, continue on about your life. As usual I only discuss things that I have personal experience with, and this is no different. I don't write much about my ex wife for a reason, I have children old enough to read this. So I avoid that topic for now, because when you make a big enough mistake innocent people pay for it as well. We will revisit this topic later, but that is all I have to say for now. Until next time, Jack.

obviously do not hurt yourself, talk to someone, please. The only people suicide hurts are the people who love you, and that is one of the most devastating forms of evil I have ever witnessed. If you need help, just ask, even if its from some guy on Twitter. My DMs are always open.

The NFT featured in this piece is #48 from the Mars Woman Collection