Funny Stories

With all of the market carnage, and constant barrage of bad news from the media cycle, I figured we could use a little levity. Names and places have been changed to protect the innocent.

It was a Friday night, and Paul was having some friends over at his house. Paul's parents were out of town, but he was a decent kid and was pretty good about respecting his parent's rules. Paul's parents were frequently doing their own thing, so having the house to himself wasn't a novel event. Paul didn't do house parties, for his neighbors were nosey snitches. Just a few buds, some video games, and a bit of clowning around.

Paul had just recently started dating a girl from school. Her name was Hilda. Hilda was a pretty blonde who was also in her sophomore year of high school. They weren't seriously dating, just the occasional hand holding between class is as far as they had made it. Paul, being the hormonally super-charged boy that he was planned on changing that at his first convenience. Paul hadn't had sex yet, but his biochemistry made it perfectly clear that this should be his main objective in life. So he gave Hilda a call.

"Hello" the strange voice on the other end of the line answered. "May I speak to Hilda" Paul responded. "Oh, she isn't here. I am her cousin Shelly". For reasons unknown to all but the fates Paul and Shelly wound up having a conversation. Apparently Shelly was the 17 year old cousin of Hilda, she was staying with Hilda for the weekend. The conversation apparently went well enough for the following words to make their way to Paul's ear. "If you come over I will fuck you".

The Dilemma

If you are thinking that Paul was having an ethical struggle with the idea of having sex with his new girlfriend's older cousin, you would be wrong. In fact the dilemma was a bit of a logistical issue. You see, Hilda lived about 5 miles away and Paul was too young to drive. Paul had to decide if leaving his buds behind, and riding his BMX bike across 1 major highway at 2000hrs (on a bike with no reflectors, or brakes, or any safety devices of any type because they made the bike "too heavy" and Paul liked to do tricks on his bike) for the promise of sex with a girl that he never met was worth it. Are you kidding? Of course it was worth it! This is the moment he has been waiting for!

Paul quickly advised his friends of the plan, told them to be chill, and he would return as a man. With great haste Paul sprinted to the garage and mounted his faithful steed, his ticket to manhood and his first step in unwrapping the mysteries of womanhood. The journey there went smooth enough, I don't know if Paul had ever peddled a bike so fast.

Shelly

Paul arrived on Hilda's street and began searching for the house that he would enter as a boy and triumphantly exit as a man. He noticed a single story brick house with the porch light on, a cursory glance at the mailbox confirmed that this was in fact the place where Shelly would get her world rocked. Paul dismounted his Huffy bike, and approached the residence. The door opened, and there she was.

We will pick up on this story next week. Thanks for reading. Let me know if you want me to finish this chapter. Until next time, Jack.