Things I Taught my Sons: Don't be a Simp

Yesterday I asked my twitter followers what they would like to be my next topic for the blog, and "Things I taught my sons" won. I had a couple of other ideas to publish first, and coincidently enough a twitter post inspired this thread. As usual I won't go into the direct post, but suffice to say it warranted this entry.

My bride is awesome

Mrs. Binswitch is a sexy woman, she is incredibly intelligent, her libido matches mine, she is a great cook, has an amazing sense of humor, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. She actively does things to improve the lives of me and the children, even while working as hard as I do. She is supportive of my goals, and never gives me any reason to doubt her fidelity. I literally thank God daily for sending me a bride who is quite literally the woman of my dreams.

Now, that is some high praise innit. Does that make me a simp? No, it does not, and I will tell you why.

Mrs. Binswitch is an equal partner in a relationship, she gives back as much as she gets, savvy? My bride is as important to me as the right side of my body, and when she needs something....if it is in my power to make it happen, that is what she gets. She does the same for me. We are....what is the phrase that I am looking for? Oh yeah, we are Equally Yoked . If both parties in a sexual relationship are equally invested in the positive outcomes for the other, then neither can be simps.

So what is a simp?

A simp is someone, often a dude, who expresses unrequited feelings to another party, or in some cases the entire female population of the species. I think the genesis of the simp phenomena is that, contrary to popular belief, most men are quite romantic. It probably doesn't help that popular culture enforces this ideal of the romantic guy obtaining the love of a previously unattainable woman. The problem with this is not that romance doesn't work, it does. The problem is that romance only works on a woman who finds you worthy of her attention in the first place. Whether the simping is done in private or public, if the feelings of attractiveness are unrequited, the outcome is usually mockery. In the best case scenarios the object of the simpery will show some sort of kindness, born out of simple human decency. The problem here is that men don't communicate the same as women do, and the simp can find himself divining the wrong message out of this act of kindness. So it speaks to the kindness and class of the object of simpery when she does in fact try to protect the simps feelings.

How did we get here?

Some of this is just due to fatherlessness, but not all cases. Some men have dads who aren't good with women in the first place. This can be compounded when the dad in question was ultimately settled on by his wife, the behavior modeled in these households isn't always helpful when trying to avoid simpery. Some dads just leave it to their sons to figure these things out on their own. The extent of the woman talk with my own dad was a package of condoms handed to a 15 year old boy, with instructions to wear them and the warnings of what would happen to me if I impregnated a girl. Turns out, simping wouldn't be my problem, instead I treated women like sex objects. It took some painful lessons for me to learn better.

So how do we fix this?

Men who aren't familiar with women need to learn about them. This is more difficult than it sounds, because there is a ton of bad information out there. So lets talk about this briefly.

The first thing a young man needs to know is that around the time he starts getting interested in girls, those girls that he finds attractive are already getting lots of attention. It may even baffle some young guys that some of the girls they aren't attracted to also get much more attention from the opposite sex than they do.

If you find a woman attractive, odds are there are legions of men who also find her attractive

How many men amongst the legions have already simped for this girl? Plenty. This renders the simp's attempts at simpery to white noise at best. Even if you fancy yourself as quite the Cyrano de Bergerac, odds are she has heard something as good or better before. This in itself should be enough to convince you to stop already.

What to do?

The first thing I taught my son's is that there are literally billions of women on this planet, so there is no need for a scarcity mindset.

The second thing to do is understand that no one owes you attraction or love. A woman knows within moments of meeting you whether or not she will have sex with you. Any attempt to prove yourself worthy winds up just making you less attractive to her. The best baseline interaction with women, attractive or not, is to just act disinterested. Women let you know when they are interested, and if she is, she will move heaven and earth to make it quite obvious to you. Being disinterested actually improves your chances of her finding you attractive at some point. Being interesting while being disinterested in her is a big bonus. So don't spend a ton of time talking about yourself. In fact, a good rule of thumb when talking to girls is to let them do the talking. This makes you a good listener, who isn't self involved...savvy?

The third thing to do is understand that your attractiveness as a man is only partially physical. Unfortunately for many men, and I am chief among them, we focus too much on the physical attractiveness of a woman we want to get to know better. This is a path to pain and frustration. The truth of the matter is that your baseline should be finding a partner who you would hang out with if she were a dude. If she is cool, laughs at the same stuff you do, this is a much better starting point than a giant ass.

The fourth thing to do is work on yourself. Do things that make you interesting. Work on your weaknesses. Be a better man. That's all I have to say for now, until next time. Jack.

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