Is Marriage a Good Deal for a Young Man Part 1

This piece is inspired by a Tweet I saw from one of my mutuals, bowtiedWHITEBAT. Mr. Bat's premise is that marriage isn't a good deal for men. If you have read much of my work you already know that I am happily married, and if you caught "The Problem of Pain" then you know that at one time I wasn't. So I figured I would take a crack at this since I have a bit of experience to draw from. There was a time in my life where I agreed with my Bowtied friend's assessment 100% , yet now I am of the belief that my bride is no less important to me than the right side of my body. So lets get to it.

The subject matter covered will be done so as it pertains to the male experience. I cannot adequately address modern women issues as I am not a woman. The following is based on my own experience and study. That said, I do encourage women to read on.

Common male myths and misunderstandings

Much of what is written about dating/marriage deals in absolutes, and that is a problem. If a young man is inexperienced and seeking advice, why wouldn't he just believe a statement from his favorite guru? He has no other experience to fall back on, and he likely doesn't trust mainstream content. So lets address some of these "truths" in light of my own lived experience:

• Men age better than women so why settle when you will have your pick of a steady stream of 20-somethings. - This is only true up until a certain age, and it isn't hard to figure out. The only time you see a young woman with an elderly man is if he is wealthy. A man in his thirties is going to be attractive to younger women as long as he has his act together and takes care of himself. That said as you push into your forties you will notice the minimum aged woman you attract goes up.

• Women will resent you for being vulnerable. - If the woman you are with resents you when you are vulnerable, you have the wrong woman. Look anon, love is built on a foundation of trust and communication. If you can't trust the woman you are with to support you when you need it, get rid of her. If she is your wife, you have problems and they have to be addressed. Your strength is going to yield from time to time if you are living your life correctly. If you are a dude who cant show vulnerability, then the above doesn't apply to you. I am strong as fuck, and have overcome things that individually make some people tap out. I still get vulnerable from time to time, and its usually when life is doing its best to kick my ass. My bride absolutely has my back in these situations, and the cool thing about this is that I had to learn to trust her. My first marriage had taught me that your wife would in fact resent you for being vulnerable. The right woman is a source of strength for you and your family (A faithful woman who is obedient to God, powerful stuff anon....truly few understand).

• A man's love is more "real" than a woman's love - While it is true that men and women express love differently, this does not mean that a woman's love is less sincere. Fact is that men and women are different, so it stands to reason that the masculine and feminine expressions of love would also be different. A wife is not a replacement of a mother, and there should be no expectation of Motherly Love towards anyone but your offspring. The love you share with your wife should be based on compatibility. This point boils down to being "Equally Yoked" with your partner. If you are with someone who is incapable of expressing love in ways that you need, and unable to allow you to love them the way you want to then you have poorly chosen your mate. That's on you, not the entire female population nor the institution of marriage.

• After marriage the sex will dry up - I once lived in a sexless marriage, it was the epitome of suffering for a young, virile, man. That marriage was also devoid of trust, communication, respect, understanding, as well as other important components. I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone. Nothing is worse than being married to someone and feeling alone. That said, this was my fault. I chose poorly. I lacked wisdom and I did not yet know myself when I made this incredibly important decision. However, when a couple is compatible the sex is amazing. I wouldn't trade my sex life today for anything.

• Divorce is too high of a risk for a man - Anon. Divorce is one of the worst things in the world. I personally watched divorce act as the catalyst that would eventually end the lives of two of my uncles. I have been divorced, it's horrible, 100% do not recommend. Divorce is terrible for everyone involved, especially children. This is why partner selection is so important in the first place. So yes, the risk is high, but life is risky. The world needs people in it, and the best way to constructively go about rearing the next generation is via marriage. If you don't want children, don't get married. This is the best way for some, but let this occur because of temperament and not fear.

This isn't a comprehensive list, but its a good start. In the next installment of this series we will delve into ways that marriage is beneficial to a young man. This is rich subject matter, and fascinating to me. I originally thought that this would be one blog post, but its too much to cover. So be on the lookout for the next installment.

In the meantime make sure you follow me here on Sigle as well as on Twitter. If you like what I am doing likes and retweets help out tremendously. Thanks for reading as always. Until next time, Jack.

The featured NFT is #66 from the Mars Woman Collection

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